When good rumors go bad!

There is a website operated by a woman who calls herself the "Rumor Queen" who deals in rumor and occasional fact about International Adoption from China. On occasion she has good information, but too often, it is simple unsubstantiated rumor, and sometimes outright fabrication. The following was posted to another site after much rumination about her site, and the doom and gloom attitude of many of her loyal readers.

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(Somewhat embarrassed looking man standing at the front of the room) "My name is Michael and I read the Unsubstantiated Fabricated Information Queen!"
(Group of people seated in a collection of rickety mismatched folding chairs) "Hello Michael"

Sometimes I think we need a kind of meeting process to better understand why we are so willing to make ourselves even more miserable in this waiting situation. Way back when we were at the end of this long line, we did not know how long it really was, it kind of went down the block away and around the corner and out of sight, and we were somewhat ignorant and happy in our ignorance. On the various forums we joined, there was always speculation about the next batch and when it would be issued, and how many LIDs would be covered. Time crept along, we turned that corner and discovered the line ahead of us appeared to stretch far away and maybe take another turn.

There emerged a source, no matter how dubious, who seemed to offer some kind of inside information, and served as sort of tawdry clearinghouse for bits of information about the process. In time this has grown to gain a kind of questionable legitimacy, whether deserved or not.

Yes, I follow that source, a kind of guilty habit, rather like perusing the tabloids in the checkout lane to see the latest "Alien Baby Pilots UFO For Air Force At Area 51" headlines. The most disturbing part of this phenomenon actually appears in the comments area where the readers take the most mundane bit of information and in short order turn it into a full blown panic situation. The recent removal of the status box is an excellent example of this. Within a few hours of the change, the assembled mob had created numerous dire scenarios of nefarious changes soon to happen in the CCAA offices, along with dragging out several old rumors and hoaxes that had long since been discredited.

There was a time when I looked at that source and got depressed by what I saw there. Now it's more amusement and exasperation at how otherwise rational (I assume) people can can go so completely insane over trivial matters. I have begun to suspect that some of the greatest instigators may be scoundrels who are not in this process at all.

"Ignorance is bliss" comes to mind quite often. In part, the problem is a cultural one, we in the western cultures have become accustomed to relatively open exchanges of information, and now we are dealing with a different culture and a bureaucratic structure where information is a commodity to be controlled and rationed. And, we are struggling with it.

Many of us here are awaiting what may be the most profoundly life changing event we will ever have, holding our first child in our arms! In this context, the emotion saturated atmosphere is inevitable and understandable. Time, and the passing of generations has changed the way we view adoption. Never really shameful, but usually unmentioned, adoption has come into the open. I am sure most of us have droned on and on to family, friends and random strangers about our experience and the process just as we would about a long awaited pregnancy. Another thing that was not talked about in the past.

We humans are a strange lot, we create the bogeyman under the bed, tell tales about things that go bump in night, and weave stories about the sounds and the glowing eyes just beyond the light of the campfire. Seldom are we able to relax and wait for events to unfold as they must and in their proper time. We seem to be a species that loves to marinate itself in anguish, fear and frustration.

I once heard a story about a blacksmith who occasionally appeared to intentionally hit his thumb with the hammer, setting off a string of expletives better not included here. When confronted about this, he finally admitted it was true. Why then do you do it? "Because it feel so good when I stop" was the reply.

That's all I have, please excuse me as I must go put some ice on my thumb,

Michael

The Terrible Two

We hit the "Terrible Two's" today, the Second Anniversary of our application dossier being registered in China. After two years we are still waiting and hoping. Over the most of the past year the referrals issued covered about 6 days of paperwork each month. IF this rate holds then we could reasonably hope for a referral in about 4 months. But, that's if everything goes our way.

Welcome Home Chani!

I forgot to mention that Kathy and Matt returned safely from China with their new daughter Chani. Such a beautiful little girl. We hope they will come to Iowa sometime to visit family so we can meet them. Click on the title above to read their journal.

It's Got To Get Better --- Doesn't It?

The latest batch of referrals came out December 31, 2007. The cutoff date was December 19, 2005, leaving 24 more days of paperwork till our LID of Jan 12, 2006 come to the top of the pile. Yeah, it's kind of discouraging as we had been rather hoping for more progress this time. At this rate, it could be 5 months or more till we get our turn. But, we think it will be sooner than that. We are hoping for an April referral, and it could possibly happen.

We are approaching the second anniversary of our application being logged in at the CCAA office in Beijing. And, then there was the 4-5 months of chasing the paper required to document just about everything in our lives to convince the Chinese and US officials that we are not bad people and could maybe just possibly be trusted to raise a child. We have lived this adoption for 2 1/2 years now, and it permeates every aspect of our daily lives. Friends and colleagues often ask us how things are coming along and if there is any progress yet. We appreciate the interest and know that it is sincere and comes from the heart, although it also serves to remind us that Miaya is still in China, depending on someone else to care for her.

We read the online journals of other adoptive parents, both those waiting as we are, and those who have returned with their angels. We feel both joy and sadness as the words and pictures flow over us, joy in their happiness and sadness in ---- well, you know. Seeing those faces helps us keep the faith and hang on a little longer. As we approach this anniversary with still empty arms, we are filled with a strange mixture of emotions, hope and fear and frustration and longing. And the knowledge that it will happen, but still no clear idea of when.

Thoughts and Reflections

Winter so far --- It's been a busy few weeks here, the short lived ice storm I talked about earlier was followed by a more intense ice storm that paralyzed much of the Midwest for days. Hundreds of thousands of people lost electricity for up to two weeks. Se were lucky here, as we did not lose our power except for a few hours a couple of days later. The surprising thing was that for over a week after the ice, we had very little wind. As bad as it was, we were only a 30 mile per hour wind away from a true disaster. We have had some snow, but nothing really bad so far, just enough to keep the cows from being able to go to the fields to graze, so we have been using more hay than we had hoped.

The Political Process --- The Iowa Caucuses will soon be over, and I can hardly wait. Not that I am political, I will just be happy to see all the politicians go away. The Iowa press always acts as if having the first Presidential elimination event is some kind of an honor, and I guess in a way it is, but it sure plays havoc with everyday life. It seems like there's a presidential candidate behind every bush and rock (and under some of the rocks as well). The whole spectrum seems to be represented, including the fruits and nuts on the fringes of both parties.

December 14, 2005

It's official, the cutoff date for this batch of referrals is Dec 14, 2005. The 6 days of paperwork covered in the past month is disappointing in terms of progress, but some batches have covered only two days, so it's not so bad. We are officially in the 29th position in line at the referral window. It will be several months yet, but as we are moving closer it is beginning to get a bit scary.

A young woman who has family here in our town, is on her way to China right now with her husband to be united with their daughter. In a few days they will be holding her for the first time. Please remember Kathy and Matt in your thoughts, and pray they have a safe journey.

We hope to be following in their footsteps in a few months. We have speculated about this before, but with babies often being less than 1 year old at "Gotcha Day", the tiny girl who will be Miaya must surely be living somewhere in China at this moment. We can hold her only in our hearts and pray that she is well cared for and content as she unknowingly waits for her forever family. It is difficult to know that your child is halfway around the world in the care of strangers.

And we can only keep waiting.

We'll know more soon!

The rumormongers are predicting the next cutoff date to be December 14, 2005. If that holds to be true, the CCAA will have covered 6 LID days worth of applications, about average for the last 6 months or so. This would put us 29 LID days away from referral. Given the about 6 day average progress per batch since May '07, we could reasonably expect 4 to 5 months until it's our turn. We still have hopes that it will be February or March 2008 when we get our notice. If that is that case, we would likely be traveling in April or May.

As we approach the third Christmas since we began this process, we are not in despair, but do feel sadness at marking yet another big family event as a couple and not as a family. But then, we have marked so many already.

What a storm!

I've never seen an ice storm like it, 15 hours after it started, nearly all the ice had melted, leaving tree limbs as about the only evidence it had happened. Most such storms leave the area paralyzed for several days, with people out of power for days or weeks.

We came out of it in pretty good shape, just the one big tree destroyed -- not really a big loss, we knew it was hollow and in bad shape any way. A few other limbs down, but nothing really bad.

Do you want Ice with that?

Well, we didn't want ice, but we got it anyway! By late morning, the temperatures had risen above freezing, and the ice was beginning to melt. However, this old maple tree we had been worrying about anyway succumbed to the weight of the ice and split into several pieces. We knew the tree was hollow, and as you can see in the picture, it really was! The best part was that nothing else was damaged. When the weather clears, we will get the local tree service to come cut down the rest.

Kim emailed this picture to Channel 13 TV in Des Moines, and they used it several times on their storm watch broadcasts.

35 Days To Go!

The official cutoff date for this batch was December 8, 2005. This means there are 35 days of Log In Days until they reach our January 12, 2006 date. Just the realization that we are just over a month of dates away make this whole affair more real! Even though it will be several months until we get our referral notice, we are beginning to get a little nervous, scared, and well, a little bit terrified.

Reality Is Getting Closer

We should soon be seeing another batch of referrals, and the big question is how far into
December 2005 this batch will go. The various rumormongers seem to have settled around December 8th. This would be the largest number of day in many months, and would be good news for everybody. If so, this would mean we are 35 days away away from our Log In Date of January 12, 2006.

It will doubtless take several months to reach our log in date, probably 4 to 6 months at least, but getting near the one month mark makes it a little more real.

Almost Made It!

Every year we try to make it into November before starting the furnace the first time. Well, this morning it was just a little too cool in the house, so we threw the switch. Maybe next year!

Miaya's Stuff --- Still Waiting

We have been attempting to "declutter" our house a bit, and Miaya's room, though far from finished is beginning to look a bit less like a construction site, but for various reasons it's on hold for a while. Shown above is the bookcase/shelf unit we built for her. As her room is to have a garden theme, it is designed to look like a garden arch. On the sides are planter boxes which will eventually "grow" silk flowers and ivy. On top is a teddy bear Kim has had since college, and Miaya's ladybug Halloween costume (hopefully she'll be here to wear it next year).


The close up picture shows some the things we have been collecting for her, and some of the secret pal gifts we have received. Some of the items on the shelves also remind us of how long the process is taking. The Asian girl doll is one we found in a clearance aisle while we were paperchasing, and were really embarrassed about when our social worker saw it during our home visit. The Noah's Ark play set on the top shelf used to make animal sounds, but the batteries have run down. There's the stroller, highchair, and folding play yard (thanks Sophie and Gary) and so many other things still unused. The crib is in her closet, still unassembled, and the giant suitcase we bought for the trip is now overflowing with her clothes and other goodies.

Looking back, and a little ahead

Last night I was looking back at our previous posts on this blog, and contemplating how optimistic we were. Of course, that was before the referral slowdown really hit with full force, before the scandal in Hunan Province, and before the slowly grinding siege type mentality took over. Buying our first baby items, beginning to make plans for a nursery, it all seems so long ago now. We have slowly collected many things for Miaya, and have become accustomed to seeing them sitting there -- still unused. The crib is still unassembled, the nursery only partially done, it would be more difficult to see the room ready but empty. In the months since we bought those first baby things (and we were nervous for our social worker to see them), we have wandered through the baby section in many stores, occasionally picking up something on sale or clearance. Though always with a kind of "hopeful sadness" in our hearts.

Don't get me wrong, we're still optimistic, and the adoption WILL happen, but when the target keeps moving, it does get discouraging at times. We get an update called "Places Everyone" from our agency, Great Wall China Adoptions, after every referral batch is issued which shows where everyone's LID date stands in relation to the last batch, and what stage they are in, Translation, Pending Review, Review, or Pending Referral. It only shows the dates documents were mailed to China, and the dates they were logged in, not names of applicants.

We have slowly moved up the list, and now have 5 mailing dates resulting in 4 LID dates ahead of us, we are definitely closer. (Great Wall mails application dossiers to China every friday.) This puts us in the sixth slot, and it's very possible we may be four to six months away from getting the referral if the process remains the same. Supposedly, after November '05 clears, the number of applications drops considerably into early 2006. If the number of children becoming available remains about the same, then our hoped for day may come sooner.

Travel Goodies!

Thanks to our Travel Buddies for the latest round of travel goodies! We recently received a package with Disposable Bibs, Baby Einstein baby toys, and a really neat travel formula dispenser. (Kim babysat for one of her colleagues a few months ago, and she had one of the formula containers and Kim thought it was very neat.)

Can We All Say TWENTY?

Here we are on the brink of twenty months since LID, and the ever moving target of our referral is still moving. Most of this year has gone to clearing the applications from October and November of 2005, and 5 days remain to be covered from November '05. Supposedly, December and January were much lighter in the number of applications, so, process may speed up some. Assuming that there are enough paper ready children to keep the process moving.

We have also passed the two year mark since we were accepted by our adoption agency to apply to China. So many milestones, and still we have empty arms. We will be getting fingerprinted this week as part of renewing our I-171H at the Citizenshp and Immigration Service, which is our proof of being pre-approved to bring a foreign born orphan into the Unites States. Our first document was good for 18 months, and expired in May.

To renew, we had to dig out the birth and marriage certificates, get new criminal checks, have our homestudy updated, and new medical fitness letters from our doctor. The fingerprints should be the last hurdle in the renwal process, and as I don't remember being a menace to society lately, then it should go forward smoothly.

We still have faint hopes of getting our referral by Christmas, but those hopes have dimmed somewhat with the recent batch of referrals only covering 4 days, with the cutoff date being November 25, 2005.

I Know The Feeling

Just like this spray plane, sometimes I begin to wonder if this adoption will ever "get off the ground". I don't know if it was engine problems, or if he was overloaded, but this pilot failed to make it into the air at the Creston, Iowa airport.

18 Months And Counting

We are now at 18 months and 1 week since our log in date, and no real idea of when we will get our referral. July 12 came and went with no tantrums and without too much despair. There are lot's of rumors flying around about what the next referral batch will include. It's something that happens in the last half of each month, when waiting parents are beginning to anticipate the next batch of referrals.

The last cutoff date was November 14, 2005, and given recent progress, it seems unlikely that the CCAA will finish the November LID in this next batch. So, it looks like we will not be getting a notice any time soon. Right now we are hoping for our referral in November, which could possibly get us home right at Christmas. Who knows, it COULD happen. Or, maybe we'll be singing Christmas carols in China.

But, it could also be January, or February, or March. It WILL happen, that much we know, it's just a matter of when.

It's hard to believe -- Unwanted Anniversaries

Two years ago we decided to pursue adoption to build our family. After much research and soul searching, we decided to seek our daughter in China. At the time we felt assured that by the second anniversary of that decision, we would have her home and be amazed as she discovered the world around her. But, things have changed, the process slowed down, and we are still waiting to be matched with the girl who will be Miaya.

We will likely see several more anniversaries of various kinds come and go before we are finally united with her. The end of August will see the second anniversary of being accepted by our agency, then on January 12, 2008, it will be two years since our paperwork was officially registered in Beijing (also called Log In Date or LID). Before that, July 12 will mark 18 months since our LID, and we still have several months to wait before we are matched with our daughter.

There is still a small chance that we will have her in our arms before Christmas, or even be in China at Christmas time. It's more likely that we will be traveling sometime in early 2008. It is hard to be positive about it, but we're trying to look on the good side of everything. Constantly having to tell people "No, nothing to report, we're still waiting" gets more difficult all the time.

Man are we proud!

Kim's nephew, Alex McCarty had a great night of high school baseball last week. His 14 RBI's (Runs Batted In) broke the previous Iowa state record of 12 in one game, and his two grand slam home runs tied the record for grand slams in a single game. In all he had three homers in the game against East Union High School of Afton, Iowa, and was credited as the wining pitcher. Corning High who has had a mixed season this year defeated East Union 37-1.