Friday, May 25, 2007

I don't want to whine, but.......

I really don't, but sometimes it really gets me down and I hate feeling this way. Oh, I've felt this way before. Before I met Kim, no matter where I went, it seemed that the whole world was all paired off, and I was alone in being alone. Then when we were trying to make a baby, it seemed like all the world was pregnant and we were the outcasts. Now I see other fathers with their children, and again the feeling of being the outsider.

Yes, I know we'll have her eventually, but why so long to wait? Oh, I know all the reasons and understand them, but my heart still wants her here now, not months from now, but NOW!! I think we're both scared as well, she will change our lives in so many ways that we cannot even imagine. But, we're as ready as we can be.

In a few months we'll get the notice, time will stand still for a few weeks, then the frantic rush to finish last minute details and get to the airport. We know all will not be "perfect" when we get her. She will have been taken away from everything and everyone she has ever known and thrust into the arms of strangers who look, talk, act, and smell different from everyone she has ever been around. It will be an adjustment for all of us, she to so many new experiences, and us to having to care for this small person who depends on us for everything.

But, we are ready and want it so badly, the good and the bad!

I hope you dance

Dear Miaya,

"When you get the choice to sit it out or dance; I hope you dance!"

Perhaps it is trite to find philosophy in a popular song, but sometimes one can find so much meaning. We all face choices and opportunities that can be scary or daunting to even contemplate, let alone to have to make. Your mother and I made the choice, and began this "dance" to find you and we are so much richer for it already.

I hope you take the chance to live life with gusto and passion, take opportunities when they come, and try the road less taken. At the end, I hope you can look back and have no regrets.

I hope you dance long and find joy in every day.

With love,
Your Dad